Leave Luanne Cover - A short film about Domestic Violence
******TRIGGER WARNINGS*******
IMAGERY OF ABUSE, SEXUAL VIOLENCE, AND MURDER
******WARNING*****
THIS VIDEO CONTAINS FAST FLASHING IMAGES IT MAY CAUSE DISCOMFORT AND TRIGGER SEIZURES FOR PEOPLE WITH PHOTOSENSITIVE EPILEPSY VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
Some of you may be upset by this story not having the happy ending you expected.
Sadly, that is much more of the reality we face in our world.
According to NCAAW.Org
• On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States.
• 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.
• 1 in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner.
• On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.
Though I do not personally agree with the revenge ending of this song, I do feel like it does a very good job talking about different types of abuse as well showing how hard and confusing it can be to try and leave.
Also, how harsh of a reality it is to live with domestic violence.
It was after I had attended the sentencing hearing for Josh, when I was driving on a cold rainy day, trying to clear my head, when I first heard this song.
For some obvious reasons, it stuck home pretty hard.
I think a lot of us are good at recognizing someone with large bruises or broken bones as having been physically abused. Or, someone who has been drugged or jumped in a dark ally as being rapped.
Those absolutely are some forms of abuse, and extremely damaging ones. But, they are by no means the only forms.
Even for physical abuse, it doesn’t have to be slaps and punches.
It also includes, but is not limited to: pinching, shaking, threatening, choking, or ANY other unwanted physical touch.
And the same goes for rape. Someone in a committed relationship can still be sexually assaulted or raped if the touch is non consensual.
According to *thehotline.org
Abuse is defined as:
“A pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.
Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate. People of any race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, or economic status can be a victim — or perpetrator — of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate or control a partner, or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to, including through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control.”
When I first had the conversation with my therapist and he helped me see that my relationship was abusive, he used the Power and Control wheel. As he told me, even if I said only 1 of these items was something I was experiencing, it was still abuse.
If you think you are in, or think you might know someone that is in an abusive relationship, please speak out.
Call, text, or email one of the many helplines we have available 24/7. One for the national domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-7233 (safe)
Or call a trusted friend, when you are in a safe place.
If you feel like “your situation isn’t that bad…” Statistics show that, if left unchecked, an abuser’s abuse will only get worse and more dangerous over time.
*Especially when other factors/characteristics are present in the relationship. Such as :
Perceived loss of control over the victim through separation, divorce or the victim leaving
Extreme jealousy
An escalation of abuse
Abuse that occurs in a public place
Suicide or homicidal threats, and plans to carry out either
Access to a weapon, especially a gun
Stalking
A history of mental health problems
Substance abuse
A history of sexual abuse of the victim or of children
Violation of a protective order
If you think you know someone that is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, even if you don’t know them very well, don’t be afraid to ask them more questions about what’s going on.
Maybe they are a co-worker, or someone sitting on the bus in front of you….
It IS ok for you to ask about it.
I know it’s a hard topic and you don’t want to pry into someone’s personal life. But, if you won’t ask, then maybe no one will.
Please help break the silence around Domestic violence.
Aside from talking to the people in your life about DV, if you want to take action to help with positive change, please consider going to * Maria’s voice and donating . Also, be sure to take their pledge.
Please also feel free to share this art project with anyone and everyone in your life.
This needs to become a normal topic of conversation.
Abuse lives in the dark and shadows.
Let’s bring it into the light and hold the abusers accountable.
Here are some additional recourses: Why Does He Do That - By Lundy Bancroft, When Love Hurts - By Jill Cory and Karen McAndless-Davis, Codependent No More - By Melody Beattie, The Sexual Healing Journey - by Wendy Maltz, Writting Ourselves Whole - by Jen Cross,
The Alexandra House - https://www.alexandrahouse.org/
Maria’s Voice - https://www.mariasvoice.org/
Domestic Abuse Hotline - https://www.thehotline.org/
I wanted to take a second to give a very special thanks to a few people who were vitally important in helping me leave my dangerous marriage.
First of all to my sister Natasha, Britni, Dale and Aisha. Who first took note of some of the behaviors that Josh was displaying and let me know that they didn’t think it was OK.
Second, to my therapist Alec Kean, he was one of the first people who told me that I didn’t have to keep having sex with Josh, and that there is such a thing as rape and assault within a marriage. He also helped me make a safety escape plan, if things with Josh continued to get worse. Perhaps most importantly, he helped me see that there was a better way to live and be loved.
Thank you to Natasha’s and Ethan Carlson, Nate Turner, Katie Allen, and my cousin Mandy. All of you were so important in listening to me helping me sort through the confusion and anguish.
To my current therapist - Lisa LeMay, who has been just the best therapist a person could ask for. It’s hard for some people to find one good therapist and I have been incredibly blessed to have found two. Her help and guidance really played a huge part in making the project come to life and much of my reflection in the grief series came from our sessions together.
Barbara Rutherford, who gave me a safe place to stay when I first was separated from Josh. You are an amazingly strong woman and your kindness to me meant so much during one of the hardest times of my life.
David Sorn, who even after Josh tried to turn him against me, sat with me and listened to my story and situation and told me that he and the church would support wherever I decided to do.
(In huge contrast to the church in VA that Josh and I attended)
And also to my parents, who always believed me, supported me and helped me be safe once I left Josh.
Not everyone is as blessed to have such a huge support system. And I know I’m very very lucky. I honestly don’t think I could have made the decision to get out of my abusive marriage, If it wasn’t for all of these amazing people.
I can’t express how much it means to me to have so many people in my life who both believed my story and supported my decision to leave.
Thank you.
Special Thanks also to:
Ian, who helped inspire the initial photo series.
Will who gave endless and much valued artistic input and advice.
Jenna for always being one of the best sounding boards and a very very encouraging, friend, editor and friend resource.
Joy for going absolutely above and beyond with not only filming but helping with a lot of behind the scenes stuff, giving excellent feedback and being super inspiring with acting and all things creative.
My cousin Mandy who not only helped me understand and process what happened in my marriage, helped me stay sane and put MANY hours into helping me draft and edit the VIS, short story and Grief series. You are an amazingly strong and wonderful woman. You inspire me to constantly grow.
Daniel for being a support, helping me through a lot of traumatic feelings and experiences, as well as for helping shoot the denial photo.
And all the amazing people who helped make the music video come to life! They devoted SO many hours to this project. There is absolutely no way I could have done it without all of you!
Johanna Mathews (Who connected me to Greg) , Joy Ford, Jessica Mathews, Rebecca Plunkett, Joe Carey, Graydon Peterson,: Greg Schutte, Matthew Ford Party, Daniel Ford, Janine Watkins, Daniel Gallagher, Jenna Balboa (Who connected me to Rebecca), Aaron Loeks, Rebekah Joy Morley, Will Penton, and Afton Benson.
Also to the Donors: Afton Benson, Anonymous, Alex Aaron and Archi-pix Photography, Christine Summers, Will Penton, Anonymous, Anne Idelson, Deborah Summers, Myra Armstrong, Carol Vollkommer, Anonymous, Megan Blatchley, Erik Carlson, Anonymous, Rich and Diane Rumsey, Barbra Rutherford, Anonymous, Natasha and Ethan Carlson, Anonymous
Thank you SO much to all the support both financially and emotionally from all my friends and family.